sinan islekdemir
Hi! My name is Sinan Islekdemir and I am a developer. (Currently living in Helsinki / Finland and working for the Space company called ICEYE ).
So. Finally, I am recovering from the depression. With the help of the doctor, we are reducing the dosage of the medication slowly.
Nowadays, some other health issues started to struck but it's life. After some more doctor visits, we will know what is wrong. Until then, I'm just ignoring all the stupid stuff :) Maybe a side-effect of using the depression medications for more than a year, who knows?
Today, I want to write about my one+ year of my second round with depression. For those who don't know, this was my second big depression in my life. Once you have it, it just sticks to you and can re-occur in time.
And most important part: Do not be afraid of seeking for help. Your brain is a complex machine. It's not the hardware that sometimes fail. Sometimes, its the software and a psychologist can fix it. Get it fixed before it's too late.
And last but not least. Life sucks. It really does. But don't blame your depression for feeling that way. You know what? Enjoying it the fullest is the most bad-ass thing to do to troll life itself.
So. It's been a while since I've last wrote some stuff here. I actually do write but then delete all the time :D I guess I might have some bi-polar tendencies.
What's up lately?
I am still away from the social media, no instagram, no twitter, no stupid stuff like tiktok. And I am still happy about it. I already don't have any free time in my life. How was I affording that much of time to social media before?
I haven't coded for my personal projects for a while. I have an interesting project in mind, also need to maintain Payton a bit more. Maybe add a few new features but I'm in my summer mood. No hurry.
ICEYE is still a great place to learn a lot of cool things! I can't mention but cool stuff!
I love working in the space industry!
Kid is five years old and I haven't seen my father or brother for almost three years. How much I earn, money is always tight. Crap, I want to earn more but I want to sleep more as well. And sleep is the easy one to get. Which, I will see a doctor next week. I am sleeping like an adult cat. Whenever I can, wherever I lay my head. Zzzz.
I love you people. Tho, I don't get in contact with the earthlings that much.
Stay safe!
Covid hit hard. That one is for sure. I wasn't able to read for a long time. And with the little amount of books that I've managed to read during the covid, I read them in a much longer time than I usually read a book.
But for the first time in ages (well, feels like ages), I have came across a book so fascinating that I got attached to it this deep.
It's Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir. He also wrote "The Martian" so you will get the idea. It's a highly accurate sci-fi book. One of the bests that I've ever read. The accuracy of the science behind just makes it perfect for me.
So just wanted to share! Just in 2 days, I managed to read around 300 pages. And in the meanwhile, we are packing up boxes to move to our new home this weekend.
1. zaman
son hecesi kırılır gecenin, ürperti veren yalnızlığın tüm renkle- riyle; şaşkın bir sen, sessizlik kadar ince; gözlerde boğulan hıçkırık. karanlık yürür ağır ağır, uçuşur kalbimde sevgiden yana ne varsa. kanayan dudaklarını çığlığın, şarapla yıkardım; deniz kalırdı geriye, çığ düşerdim tersime. kutsanırdı sönmüş acılar, ölüm doğrulanırdı, kayardı direnç noktası ömrün; kendi eksenin- de dönüp duran insanlar kadar. içini vakitsiz açan mavilikti yüzüm. iz. giz. tuz. gökyüzünde çakan kıvılcımım; sert sularda attım bedenimi, ah atım, avradım. silahım olsaydın, gece olsaydım ben de.
şimdi vuruluyorum. göğe taş kesiyorum. son hecesi gibi kırılıyorum gecenin. zaman oluğu kaldırımlarda geziyorum.
2. gülışığı
gerdik ya ölü yüzlerimizi rüzgârın sesine, sevdamıza savrulan küller kadar ıslak gözlerimizi kurutmak için; dökük tekneler gibi yalnız kaldık çiçek kokularına sinmiş sularda. ve saçaklarında güz tuttuğumuz göğün göçebe ömrüne yıllardan ekleyip çıkardık acıyı. düş solgunu gençliğimize sığmaz, bütün köprüleri kun- daklanan gecelerimiz. yine de parlayacak yer bulamaz, suya biri- ken yıldızlar. sen kendine akıt ışığını; kaybolan ellerinde kan, tanrısız kurban edilen iblisler. gül ötesi kaç ışık geçti, ucuz mut- luluğumuzun prizması gözlerimizden? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
çocuk şarkılarında eridi yedirengimiz, umut ve ses olup; şiirimizin kırık penceresinde. an an yaşamaktayız anıları, kanlı bellekleri- mizden hiç silinmeyen.
bir gün tutulmayacak nöbeti sessizliğin.
3. yaşam
bir bir geziyorum ölümleri, gecenin bakışları arasında. sabah göğe yelken açıyorum, gündüzler tanımıyor beni nasılsa. Ayna- larda yürüyorum bazen, martılarla düşüyorum denize; dudak- larımı siliyor acılar. soluk alışımı duyamıyorum. sokak lambaları gibi geç yanıyorum. gölgeler yürümüyor artık. kıvrılan yollarda şarap lekeleri, sabahın ilk izi. ezanla dönüyor evine yüzü külrengi gececikler. kaç kuytuda paslanıyor yalnızlık? üşüyorum. gideceğim.
ve ben güzün ağlayacağım
sulara çekileceğim dönerken balıkçılar
yakamoz göreceğim dümensiz simsiyah gözleri
öleceğim
ve ben…
Kaan İnce
Today was my first day at my new job. Amazing stuff!
I have been writing software for a long time. I guess for almost 20 years with so many different programming languages and supporting technologies. I have written with OpenGL, I have written ERP systems, embedded stuff, flight bookings systems, hotel reservation systems, 3D web applications, Operating System Kernel, Raytracer... and so forth.
I enjoyed the road so far.
Obviously, I had many ups and downs. That is what life is all about.
Now, I am working for ICEYE. A company that builds it's own satellites and sends them to orbit. Takes cool SAR Images from space with it's own satellites! Sci-fi stuff!
Payton is a general-purpose 3D Software Development Kit. Simply, a 3D Programming Playground!
Raylar is a work-in-progress project.
Raylar is a CPU based ray-tracing engine written in Golang.
You can reach me via: https://keybase.io/27x2/chat
Here is a footer to please visitors' user experiences. - Sinan Islekdemir